As an American, I’m required by the constitution to love any opportunity to improve my life by spending money. So, a big thank you to Uniqlo for enabling my patriotism by releasing superior underwear. I would stop with that link and encourage all to go forth and purchase for the good of your country and your comfort and I guess Japan or Fast Retailing Co or …
Sorry. I should stay focused. Please, continue skimming.
Uniqlo updates products constantly so once that link inevitably dies, there needs to be some justification to support the original claim. On to talking about underwear as a product.
- Create a barrier between your pants and your crotchall region
- Look flattering when you aren’t wearing any other clothes
- Be comfortable and nice and pleasant
Underwear should not:
- Be at all visible while wearing clothes (e.g. conspicuously sticking out over your waist line, lines showing up on your thighs)
- Bunch up
- Cost a lot
- Crush… just shouldn’t crush anything
So superior underwear should be comfortable, flattering, inconspicuous, and affordable. In the past, underwear was either loose boxers or tight briefs. Boxers mostly avoid any crushing but can bunch up, show thick lines through dress pants, and for some reason tend to have conspicuous colors. Boxers are also only somewhat formfitting so how good they make an otherwise naked man is… I don’t know… up to someone else I guess. Briefs are tight, have a tendency for crushing, and have plenty of stigma associated with how they look. So neither is perfect otherwise why would any of this post be happening.
The new-ish step forward comes from compression shorts. Compression shorts might or might not be helpful in sports but they definitely don’t bunch up around your thighs. If you are ok with spending the extra money and always being smushed then compression shorts are at least a step up from boxers, briefs, and definitely whack ass boxer briefs.
Uniqlo (along with a variety of poorly differentiated and more expensive underwear oriented startups) walk the middle ground by offering MENS AIRISM MESH LONG BOXER BRIEF in all caps because of their superiority. They are made of a mesh that significantly dials down the compression (no crushing, very comfortable) while maintaining the long leg cut (no bunching). In black they are super conservative and inconspicuous and at $12.90 each they are probably too affordable to support a start up’s business model. Yes, they check all the boxes. More importantly they are good enough to be worth spending time writing about so that has to be worth trying.
So, be an American patriot regardless of where you are from. Buy a pair, make sure you got the right size, then once you are convinced by 5 more pairs. Throw away your old inferior underwear. Life is better. Celebrate.
But did you know that Theory is owned by Fast Retailing Co? Woah. ↩