Oh yes my friends, breath it in. Drink up the metaphorical fresh mountain air that is my relief: I finally have a kitchen cloth with a learning curve.
Wait, maybe I shouldn’t be starting with what makes these things complicated. No, that is definitely the wrong way to do it . For those of you who will just buy things that I recommend because you are the best humans on this planet, you can click here. For the rest, I present to you… benefits!:
- Effective: sparkly clean surfaces without the use of soap or paper towels 
- Eco-Friendly: all of the cleaning without any of the throwing away of stuff 
- Not Paper Towels: Seriously, are you paying attention? What I’m saying is that it is possible to clean things without paper towels
- Science!: Basically they work because they have a high density of micro-fibers and micro-anything is pretty cool
My, that was quite some bulleted list. How about this, you have a dirty surface in your kitchen . Normal cleaning in today’s world would probably involve just wiping it up with a wet paper towel then throwing the towel away. This probably leaves a fine surface of oily grime behind  because highschool chemistry taught us that oil is hydrophobic and will resist yer ol’ water and paper towel one-two punch. Sorry. Your parents know what to do here though: soap. Again, high school chemistry says that soap works because soap molecules have a hydrophilic side, which attaches happily to water, and a hydrophobic side, which attaches to oil. So soap is a magic puzzle piece that lets wet things grab oily things and no more residue. Ok, cool, no more dirty surface, but what about the poor environment and your poor wallet. Think of all the sad polar bears on melting ice because you throw away paper towels all the time  and think of how much all those towels and soap cost. Heart wrenching. Polar bears are heart wrenching, lost money is heart wrenching, basically… your heart is super wrenched.
E-cloths, alternatively, are the dope shit . They are composed of a high density of microfibers, cramming 1.6 millions fibers per square inch, which to be blunt, is dope. When you get an e-cloth good and wet, those tiny fibers physically grab onto oil molecules, bacteria, and other small nasty bits. This cuts straight past any hydrophobia shenanigans and just works on mechanical principals. Then, when you are done cleaning things up you rinse the e-cloth under hot water. The heat causes the fibers to relax and let go of all that grossness they picked up. No throwing things away, no soap, and honestly everything gets stupid shiny clean in a way I didn’t realize was possible with paper towels .
So, benefits are that they clean better and are better for your wallet/the environment because you aren’t using disposables. I’m a pretty big fan. Also pretty cool is that they are colorful, strangely satisfying, and you can feel smug about what a great human you are for not hurting the environment and being thrifty. The downside again is that you pay an upfront cost and you have to actually learn how to use them. Yep. You have to learn to use cloths. I mean, it isn’t THAT hard:
- Get them soaking wet
- Wring them out
- Wipe things
- Rinse in hot water
- Wring them out again and put somewhere to dry
- If you are doing laundry, then toss them into the washing machine
But it is harder to learn than the tyrant’s method: wipe and throw away. So, I guess that could be a downside, but it could also be an upside when you get to feel all smug about knowing how to do something. Oh it feels so good.
E-cloths are available on amazon in a bunch of ridiculous packages that are ever changing. Here is a pretty good one. It includes one of the all-use cloths that I just ranted about above as well as a polishing cloth which is great for mirrors, windows, and finishing counter surfaces to get extra shine. I think they are also available in stores like Target for good prices so I would buy them there if you have that option. Personally, when I took the e-cloth plunge I went all out and get this starter pack because I only know one speed and that speed is full throttle . Four e-cloths is way more than I need though so I would recommend a smaller pack. That polishing cloth is pretty legit though, you want that. Maybe you won’t buy these now, but just take a look at them. Next time you buy paper towels, look at how much you are spending on keeping a tyrannical cleaning product in power. That is when you will appreciate an e-cloth that lasts years and really only costs a little bit more than a regular cotton cloth.
If only there were some way I could go back and edit what I’ve already written. But NO! I’ve already had, basically, a fuck-ton of caffeine. There is no looking back ↩
Don’t even get me started on whack-ass paper towels ↩
Like, oh, I don’t know, just an example: stupid-ass paper towels ↩
Do you know how much we used to spend on paper towels?!? Those things cost so much in NYC, and they take up space, and they are bad for the environment. Psh. Paper towels ↩
You do. Don’t lie to me ↩
You disgust me. Let’s just get that out of the way. You embracer of fine surfaces of oily grime! Not ok! ↩
I’m not sure, but I think this is probably the point where even the most patient reader gives up. First I write about cloths, then I insult paper towels, then I insult the reader A LOT, then I explain soap. I clearly have no idea what I’m doing ↩
100% direct correlation there. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT ↩
I guess we just openly swear on here now? Was that even worth profanity? Do kitchen cloths really need to be described as “dope shit”? Wait. Should "dope shit" be hyphenated? I need an editor for so so many reasons ↩
See, paper towels are the tyrant here ↩
This is not how cars actually work. Full throttle is not a speed. I don’t own a car. Listen to exactly 0 things that I say about cars ↩